Player with most money: Ike, the King of Hearts, proving that all you need to become a millionaire is a great smile. Best Actor/Actress: Zach, as Benny the Fool. Or, as many of us have come to know him, CAPTAIN CHAOS!!! bwa-ha-ha! Best Costume: Maria! The King of Spades. I hear the Spades are going to start their own fashion line next Spring... Most Goals Completed: Kacy, the Jack of Hearts, finished the most goals [and got the most phone numbers]

Submit stories to the Editor of the Eternal Herald. Jokers Have Gone Wild! by by Justin D. Fax     The dawn of the new millennium has passed and the Trump remains unresolved. With the Houses in turmoil, chaos appears to echo throughout the universe. Temperatures soar to new record highs, and tempers flare igniting wars that span the world. Reports of unusual paranormal activity have flooded in from all corners: UFOs, ghosts, fairies, doors to other dimensions, raining frogs, spontaneous fires, levitation, and phantom cats. Most recently, a blood red shadow has been gradually creeping across the face of the moon. While no one seems to be able to explain this phenomenon, enlightened monks from around the globe believe it to signify the End of Times. Unless a Trump is determined, the Houses cannot restore harmony, and the world as we know it is gone forever.

Diamonds Really ARE A Girls Best Friend! by Gossip Columnist Mêlez Bereichern     From the The Ruby Gazette, the official news publication of the Diamonds: The Queen was present to cut the ribbon at the rededication of the reconstructed Musee d’Arts in the Diamond Capital yesterday. This was her third public appearance after the death of our King and Jack at the Battle for the Trump, although still dressed in white of mourning our Queen has expressed the importance of reestablishing the Diamond economy over her own personal grief. She was accompanied by her Ace, who appears to have made a full recovery after her imprisonment, and her newly elevated Jack, our former Seven. Our beloved Queen made a speech dedicating the Musee to her cards, and proclaimed she had no intention of remarrying at this time but hopes to rule justly and fairly as her poor late husband could not.     Allegations about a treaty with the Spades were denied last weekend; however the Ace was quoted as saying “Our Queen is not adverse to Peace, and hopes that this dispute over the Trump will be resolved. She is open to negotiations from any of the Suits willing to work together harmoniously.”     Many high level Cards, including the Nine and Six were removed from their seats in Parliament after an investigation into the late King’s foreign policy. The Nine is currently awaiting judgment at trial, but tragically the Six was found dead in his home yesterday afternoon. The police believe it to be a suicide but will not speak of the details. A press release from the Palace announced the Queen’s sorrow over the tragedy and her condolences to the Six’s family.     For those of you not in the know, let Miss Mêlez whisper in your ear... while not widely known, this reporter has discovered that during te Battle for the Trump, the King of Diamonds had made alliances with other Houses, specifically the Hearts and Clubs! Oh, and another juicy tidbit... the current Jack of Diamonds? Was engaged to the recently deceased Six! Stay tuned, my poppets, as Miss Mêlez brings you more royal gossip soon! Historians Discover Ancient Texts! by I. B. Wondren     Archeologists have stumbled upon tomes that may shed light on the origins of life as we know it. Professor Anna Teak offered this brief understanding of what has been translated so far:     "Think of the members of the Houses as immortals who live among the modern mortal world. Each House represents a human trait: love/lust, war/change, charity/greed, reason/deceit. The strength and activities of a House affects the mortal realm. Perhaps the Hearts were really grooving during the peace loving sixties, and the Diamonds were strong during the internet boom of the nineties. The immortal Houses might not directly interfere with mankind [or maybe they do occasionally], but they do possess a cloud of influence.     "It is not unlike the Norse or Greek pantheons, where if an immortal was happy, then crops were good, but if the immortal was angry, the skies would darken and people's moods would follow. Like those lost pantheons, the Houses also have places or kingdoms hidden from mortal eyes; like Valhalla or Olympus, call it what you like. There, the Cards can live without worry of exposing themselves as immortals. Some Houses remain in these sanctuaries, while others enjoy mingling with the mortals and having a more direct influence on the fates of man."     When questioned whether she believed these immortals could be responsible for the chaos that seemed to be enveloping the world, Professor Teak would only reply, "Our translations are not complete, in many cases we can only guess at the true meanings of the ancient writings. However, we are making good progress and hope to have more information for you soon." Research Continuesby Sy N. Steacher     While it has long been known to the Cards themselves that the Royals possess certain special abilities, research scientists are at a loss to explain how they inherit these abilities. Even after years of studying the Paranormality Of Kinetic Energy Resources exhibited by the Houses, scientists have gotten no closer to an answer. Those who hold the position of King have the ability to restore life to the deceased. The Queens, well known for their diplomacy and way with words, are capable of holding a person in sway with only the sweet tones of their voices. The best warriors of each House, the Jacks, have attained a mastery of combat greater than that of others. Likewise, the Aces have achieved mastery of the magic forces where others have to rely on spellcards crafted by the Aces. Even more mysterious, are the special abilities of each House: The Hearts, who embrace peace and love, can end any combat with a mere smile. The Clubs, with their intimate knowledge of risks and odds, are able to influence the outcome of games or contests. The Diamonds are able to use their vast monetary resources to their best benefit. The Spades, raised in a combat oriented amazon society, are never without their personal weapon. Scientists continue their researchs, but perhaps the source of these powers will remain a mystery forever.

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